Help...

[Sky_Dragon]

Ok so this is probably the wrong place but since everyone here is being so open and friendly at the moment I am thinking I would like to post this.

So I was with this girl for 19months. And everything was fine. Then she found an email on my computer about seeing some girl in her frenchies (which never happened). Anyway she is obviously devastated by this. Which sparks Question 1 - Is that really the worst thing that could ever happen in a relationship?

So we worked at it for 2 weeks before she decided that she couldn't take it and broke up with me. Question 2 - Is that really a first strike offence?

Anyway so we have been single but seeing each other occasionally and texting and talking on a daily basis. Been to the cinema a couple of times all with the pre-tense that we "might" get back together. Question 3 - How long is long enough to recover from something like this?

So anyways tonight I get an email from an unknow address, stating a convo between "the ex" and some some I don't know. The main bulk of the convosation was that she had kissed someone else and had met up with him, and would of been willing to go further. Question 4 - Should I really care about that? Am I allowed to?

So I have not told her yet as she is asleep. Question 5 - How do I go about this? Sneaky see if she tells me? Or do I go all out and just say? Or do I just cut contact now?

Your all family now, so help me out.

[Sinister]

answer to question 5, First of all can you trust that e-mail? Second of all does the fact that the e-mail says she "would" mean she "did" after all, who was the emailer, the guys wrist watch???

*it could be the guy that e-mailed you in some vain attempt to make you break up with her, yes its far fetched but... could be true?*

Also you are not together at the moment so she is allowed to see other people, she is proberbly trying to find out if she really wants to be with you, so what if you cut off contact and she decided that she didnt want to be with this other guy after all?

Confronting her about it would cause an argument which your relationship might not be able to take but more importantly it would show that you obtained information about her some how, granted she did the same thing to you which i certainly dont condone but womenz always do that (even if your not going out with them!)

im not going to answer questions 1-3 as you need to figure that out, but for 4 your allowed to care just understand that she aint doing anything wrong (dubious prehaps)

[Franzkill]

Hey Sky_Dragon. :)

Well in response to question 4 I think that you should go along with your feelings. If it FEELS right that your worried about your ex being with someone else then personally I think you should just go and talk to her about it and see if she is really comfortable with this 'other' guy.

It seems like you still have feelings for her and its best to do something about it now then just sit back and do nothing.

On a sidenote you know you can talk to us crazy forum goers about anything so I don't exactly think this topic is out of place! :p

[deadmensboots]

Heh, sounds rather strange that you just so happen to receive an email discussing things at length and detail that do not involve you, no? And why did she find an email upon your computer discussing something that did not actually happen? It all sounds very bemusing.

I do not think it is really your place to step in and comment upon it.

1. I think you shall need to elaborate upon what actually happened(should you care to) before one can answer clearly. Trust should be the ground upon which a relationship stands, and if that trust is broken or questioned: then trouble is brewing. Personally, I hold trust and honesty in high regard and hate being lied to (no matter how trivial), and I have ended relationships when my trust has been broken.

2. As mentioned above: if she questions your trust then it is a big deal. Yet again, I do not really know the details of what upset her to such a degree.

3. Sometimes you never can. If you doubt someone then you are always going to question certain aspects and that is never going to lead to a strong relationship.

4. You are allowed to care about that, certainly. But I really do not think it is any of your business and I find it odd that it just happens to have ended up in your lap.

[WelshbyBirth]

Sounds like you both have a few trust issues, I would also question the email? Seems a bit odd really and not very reliable.

If you both still like each other then try talking to each other about where you want your relationship to go. I think trust and honesty are the 2 main important things in any relationship and hope everything turns out well for you both.

[thezombiemessia]

Question 1 - Is that really the worst thing that could ever happen in a relationship?

No, this isn't the worst thing that could happen...if what you are saying is true, then it is friendly banter between people. However, if you did actually see the girl in her frenchies, then it could be considered quite bad.

Question 2 - Is that really a first strike offence?

If it's just discussion/talking, then it all depends on the context and your feelings towards what this girl said to you.

Question 3 - How long is long enough to recover from something like this?

It's all subjective. It all depends on each particular person and relationship.

Question 4 - Should I really care about that? Am I allowed to?

You can, and probably will, care about it...but you aren't really allowed to do so.

Question 5 - How do I go about this? Sneaky see if she tells me? Or do I go all out and just say? Or do I just cut contact now?

It might be worth mentioning it to her, but don't come across as angry or upset, nor do you want to come across as non-chalant and uncaring...just mention that some unknown person e-mailed you about it, and you'd just honestly like to know if it's all true.

Ask what it would mean for you and her, etc.


Just don't come across as obsessive.

[Natea]

I didn't get through all the replies, so, if we're double, that might be a good one. I'm not really good at binding relationships since my view appears to be mostly inappropriate although I can't tell me why but just that.

But Your story reminds me about myself, and she's done something worse than You have it appears to be pretty close to that stuff that happened to me. I believe that some girls secretly think of finding someone else while not knowing how to be with the current and thus take such an open mess you've left behind to consider it more seriously and ... ooooooohhh, there she goes.

One thing you should Never do is to kick things aside while the other one doesn't do the same. That's slavery like. She will control you, and so you should look first to get things fair. If that won't work, well, pray and hope you will be fine.

[ManiacFather]

Talk to her.